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Signs You Live With A Meth User

Signs You Live With A Meth User

I originally wrote a similar article detailing my 15-year life with a meth user. I have yet to post it. While I still plan to post that at some point, I found it too difficult to publish at this point. If you’ve lived with a meth user, you know how emotionally, physically, and mentally draining it can be. So for the time being, I will compromise with myself and post a more objective description of meth use.I’ve read other sites, and sometimes I get the idea these “experts” have never lived with a meth user through the worst of it. I don’t write this with the expertise of a doctor who has studied patients and run tests.

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I lived with a user. For well over a decade. I was married into a family of them. I saw her family and friends all doing it. Through my ordeal I learned to hate the drug, but I also became quite familiar with the signs and the cycle that follows meth use. I may not be an expert at treating it, but I am definitely an expert at spotting it.

If you feel like someone you love may be using meth, I will describe what you might be seeing.

One common denominator of meth use is secrecy. If you’re not a fellow user or supplier, you won’t be privy to the truth of their world. They’ll lie to your face and assume you believe everything they say. Users hide their addictions, deny it, and sometimes even ridicule others for doing it (perhaps to throw us off the scent?).

Just before using, you might sense something is going on. You’ll see unusual behavior, such as disappearing into another room to take a call, going into the bathroom for 20 minutes, running a sudden “errand” that would normally wait (such as running out for milk at 1am when you still have half a gallon in the fridge). You might also see certain “friends” show up for very brief visits, sometimes not even getting out of their car.

If you haven’t been able to translate the above issues – wow you’re slow! No, just kidding. Haha.. They simply mean the meth user is looking for some drugs.

The Deal
A meth user will often go on the hunt for their drug. They’ll disappear to make phone calls, or even drive to their dealer’s house if the can’t contact him. Those are the “errands” they usually run. Or sometimes their dealer might even show up, either having been called or maybe just making a courtesy call to see if the user needs anything.

How thoughtful.

After the deal, the meth user will then go do the deed. It could be in the bathroom or in their car in a nearby field. They might also do it somewhere that is more “meth friendly” than around you, such as at another user’s house. The actual use is very brief – only a few moments.

You might see remnants of the use, such as straws, pieces of tin foil, small bags or pieces of plastic wrap, razor blades, lighters – you get the idea. These things are all standard meth-related items. If the user snorted it, he could be touching his nose often because of the sensation/irritation of sucking it up his nose.

Hey we’re just getting started. This is where you enter the picture and start to see things.

The High
After doing meth, the user will display some very obvious and animated signs. The pupils will be dilated. To me that was always the tip-off. Dilated eyes, even in a bright room, were always immediate and obvious. The skin is warm to the touch and heart is pounding. You will see a mood that is a little bit too happy. And lots of energy. Meth users often get little or no sleep for days after using. They will also display exaggerated or semi-uncontrolled mannerisms, such as constant cleaning, preening, talking, etc., along with uncontrolled twitching or facial tics. During the high, the meth user often lacks an appetite and may go an entire day eating virtually nothing. It’s not uncommon to see them overly productive, such as cleaning or doing repetitive tasks, even in the middle of the night. They might pick at their hair or skin repeatedly. Almost obsessively. When they do sleep, it might be agitated and filled with movement, sweating, talking, laughing, or gibberish. The user may exhibit a heightened sexual arousal. You may even notice that the person has an unusual odor.

So why do meth users want to be this way? They don’t. Those are only the things being externalized. Inside, they are experiencing a sense of euphoria, confidence, and well-being that is far beyond what they feel when sober. They live for the high, and deal with everything else.

Those of us on the outside can’t imagine how it becomes worth it. But it does.

The Plateau
There is a brief period between the high and the crash in which the user begins to shift behavior patters. I call this the Plateau. The high is coming to and end and the user begins to display new symptoms. He begins to slow down. He might still be animated, but in a less energetic state. If he can’t get more meth, he will start to head quickly into the crash.

The Crash (aka “Coming Down”)
When a meth user has exhausted his supply and what he ingested has worked its way through his system, we have the crash. A crashing user might spend several days in bed. He might be asleep the entire time, or is awake but lethargic. He might only getting up to use the restroom or have a quick snack. The worst part of the crash is that it’s typically accompanied by a very agitated and foul demeanor. The user can get violent and display psychotic traits and huge mood swings. Lethargic, irrational, angry, moody, and confused – these are all signs of the crash.

From my perspective, this was by far the worst part. Whereas the user is mostly irritating during the high, he is more likely to focus his crashing ire directly at you. You will likely get sucked into absurd arguments or even find yourself dodging violent behavior.

It can last a few days. A few days of hell.

The Recovery
As the crash wears off, the meth user begins to revert back to his pre-high self. He might even exhibit better than normal behavior.

And just when you think life is back to normal, the cycle soon repeats and the roller coaster ride begins again. It is exhausting and frustrating for the loved ones enduring it.

Though I’ve focused on the short-term signs of meth use, I should point out that there are long-term signs of meth use as well. Weight loss, tooth decay, poor hygiene, increased acne, dry skin, hair loss, mental illness, memory loss, paranoia, depression, and psychosis are all possible. Not all of these are necessarily reversible.

If you suspect someone you love is using meth, you need to get help. If you can’t get help, you need to get out.

Note: in 2011 I posted a follow-up to this article, about avoiding your own addiction to the addict.

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  • Laura Jean Hoeffner

    My roommates son thinks his mom is using meth but all the signs I just read I have never seen with her, so is it wrong for me just to stay out of it?

  • Anonymous

    This was very emotional reading that..I’m only 14. My brother started out with smoking marijuana from when he was 13 (currently 22) then once he was 15/16 he was hanging around and sleeping at chronic heroin and meth and my mum always suspected something was up. The last 2 years we have been dealing with both emotional and physical abuse..yet he has never admitted it. We know. It’s hard on families because he always makes me and my mum feel like we never help him..he has lived with my mum for free and eating our food when we don’t have much money for the last 2 years while doing drugs..he has always had a bad temper but he would never hit or bash me and my mum..I used to wake up to him being in his room at 4 in the morning with his light on for hours when he was “asleep”, to him constantly getting up through the night to go outside to “have a smoke”. He was dating a girl who has done those drugs before she is very anorexic and has sunken in cheeks. She’s a horrible person. They would chase me down the treat scream in my mums face and mine..his favourite threat was saying that he will slit my throat in my sleep. Him and his girlfriend never eat food or shower and they sleep on a dirty mattress without changing there sheets for over 18 months..we would wake up to him screaming and hitting his head on walls at 4 in the morning..after about 2/3 days of chronic fighting and screaming and hitting me and my mum he would calm down and act normal for a day then it started over again..he always finds a way to make us feel guilty or say that he is normal and everyone else in this world has a problem he doesn’t..I just don’t get in a year how he’s gone from a nice boy to someone who hits women..from all this I have learned to hate drugs so maybe what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger xx :(

  • G

    I’m in the same boat :( and if you ever want to talk I’ll give you a contact email for me or my Facebook. It helps to have someone who’s been there or is there to talk to, especially when the one you love treats you like you are absolute sh-t.

  • Sandy M

    my son has been a meth user for 20 years. He has been in jail and rehab many times. He has been on life support 3 times. He has heb c now and brain damage. He has lost every thing and yet he continues to use. The only time I have any peace is when he is in jail or committed. My advice to everyone is it will NOT get better – you can’t fix him…..Run as fast as you can away from him. We have lost the war on drugs and a whole generation to meth. His life is so sad….don’t make his life your life. You deserve better.

    • waffles

      I’m sorry to hear of this tragedy. You are right that you can’t fix someone – at least unless they want to be fixed. Meth does not let go of people very easily.

  • Megan Turner

    I don’t know if my bf is a user or not I don’t ever find any pipes or straws no evidence or any thing and the symptoms that you name he is diagnased with he is 51/50 and his mother did method while pregnant with him and he has depression ptsd paranoia skitos bi polar and other mental illiness and memory loss because of a brain injury dry skin and acne cause its in his family and I thought it was heritary he’s only 24 and I just want to know if he does so maybe a random drug test or something

    • tfaulk13

      Do you know for sure that he has all of the mental disorders that you indicate. With all of his issues and history it almost seems like every item on a checklist that lists the risk factors for becoming a meth addict. What I mean is that just one or two of the issues he has would make him more likely to become a meth user. Since you have listed nearly every risk factor, then the likelihood of meth use is higher. The question is… Are all of these things risk factors for potential meth use or are they symptomatic of meth use. There are compelling arguements for both points of view.
      Either way, the outcome is not easy and the road to treatment and recovery often fail many times and put so many loved ones through hell so many times that it can have an impact on the mental health of the family or loved one. Do not allow this to happen in your life. Do not walk; run away as fast and as far as you can from the impending hell. Do not feel that you can be strong enough to get them clean and sober if they are not admitting to being an addict and very willing to discuss the drug and actively comment on what wrong actions they do while using. Any denial at all is an indicator that they for sure are not ready to quit and until they decide that they want to truly get help, any actions to help will be a total waste of time. You cannot make someone want to quit. You cannot say, ” if you love me, you will quit”. You cannot say, “if you love your child you will quit.” Because it is comparing apples to oranges. To say that if an addict has love for someone they will quit only works if the sole reason the addict began using is because of that person. Do you see how it works now ? Do not ever expect an addict to stop if they love you. It will not and has not ever worked in any situation I have heard of. It actually makes it more difficult for the addict to seek help because they do have the ability to love. They have just lost the ability to express it due to the brain alterations of meth. The meth makes them self centered. All of their actions are like a choreographed scene from a movie that repeats over and over. The desires, urgency and dependency on the drug consumes many hours and it gets worse.

  • anon

    My bf was using for years, he had all of these signs. He constantly betrayed my trust, lied to me and becasme abusive. He hit ‘rock bottom’ a few times, lost everything. By being true to myself and having the strength to leave him, he has come back to me in recovery. Addiction is an illness. My advice is No.1 support yourself, as hard as it is don’t get sucked into their behaviour and lies, keep in check of reality by listening to your friends and family or getting involved in a group that supports ‘families of meth users’, No2. when the user is ready to change, as hard as it it will be given all of the pain they have caused try to give them all of the unconditional love and support they need. Lastly, until they admit they are an addict and are ready to change, be strong- give yourself all of the love and support you can by distancing yourself from their destruction.

  • no name

    My mother in law is a user and she has used for at least 10 years. My father in law has been in recovery for 14 yesrs and also works for a clean and sober house’s. It bothers me that they just play blind and ignore the fact that she is using. Shes a good grandma to my kids. But I cant stand they allow her to just continue using and just turn a blind eye. Can anyone help me understand why they just let this happen?

    • waffles

      While everyone is different, my opinion is that some people just don’t want to deal with it and face the problem. It’s easier to just act like everything is normal rather than “rock the boat” and confront such a problem.

  • Anonymous1

    You’ve all made this so much clearer for me all the signs I saw were real and not me just imagining them I’m so happy I made the choice to leave now I just have to figure everything else out thank you all soo much

  • Anonymous1

    I’ve recently left my bf we have 2 kids together and he’s just changed so much lately and I just couldn’t take the lies and sneaking around any longer I know he has struggled with addiction most of his life and I started searching about meth and found this blog and everyone’s story’s sound like I wrote them it’s exactly how he acts. The problem I face is he wants to see our kids and now seeing this I’m sure he is using and I don’t want my kids around him if that’s the case is it fine to just not allow him to have them even without proof??? All this is so much harder with kids it’s easier for me to move on and take him out of my life but my kids put a whole new spin on things any thoughts or advice would be so appreciated

    • waffles

      Yes, it is tricky when you have kids. There are things you can do, like try to gauge how good or bad of a day he’s having before letting him see them. Or moving to a location that isn’t as convenient for him. If he gets into any legal trouble, you may want to consult a lawyer and use that as an opportunity to limit his custody or visitation. Your kids and your safety are your top priorities.

  • anonymous

    When I met my friend he was my dream come true. He told me about his past and he would take me everywhere he would go. Now he seldomly ask me to go with him. I’ve noticed that he does a lot of twitching while asleep, he has varies of sores on his stomach, arms and I’m concern about this. Can this be signs of him still on Meth?

    • anon

      definitely sounds like meth addiction, seek help yourself before you confront your friend. Stay supported.

  • Anonymous.

    My boyfriends mom and I are really close, I tell her everything and she tells me everything. She told me she recently relapsed. It was hard considering the fact my bf couldn’t know and she is definitely in danger. I dont want to see her get hurt as well as her kids. And myself. What is the best way to help. I will not let her struggle alone, im not going anywhere. but I need to now how I can help.

    • waffles

      She will have to want to get help for any assistance to be effective. But you can tell her you’ll be there for her, whether to talk or to attending counseling or meetings.

  • april

    I thought i was going crazy till i read all of this. I have asked him time and time again with him making me feel im insane but in my heart i know he is a liar and what is sad is ive never lied to him and i love him so much. I know now I must let him go it is not healthy for me or my children. He can lie to himself but I wont live this way anymore. Thanks for this sight it helped.

  • brad

    all the signs you stated I see everyday. 2 nights ago his eyes were dilated bad. his eyes are blue, but 2 nights ago they were completely black. it was light I was with the devil. since confronting him and him admitting it after lying so many times my life has change for the worse. I’m always stressed out, when I try to talk to him he immediately gets angry. drinking helps keep me calm, without drinking I’d be miserable. now am going to a group for myself because I can’t take the stress of finding meth evidence in my apartment anymore.

  • jackie

    My 53 year old daughter has been acting strangely for some time, A lot of the same things you wrote about. We tried to talk to her about it but she becomes very angry. She lives by her self, pays her own bills doesn’t ask for a thing from me. But is making very dangerous decision. How can I help her?

    • waffles

      It is hard to help someone who doesn’t want to get help. You can distance yourself from the problem, avoid enabling/supporting her, and be honest to her about your concerns. Most of all, keep yourself at a safe distance. Good luck.

  • brad

    I have been with my partner for a year. When I first met him he was upfront about his past and that he’s been clean for 8 years. he proposed to me on my bday 2 weeks ago. Everything was fine until 5 days ago he spent almost an hour in the bathroom. I went in after he came out and found a meth pipe wrapped in a towel. I confronted him and he lied 3 times. by the 4th time asking he finally admitted using. he said he would stop, then today another meth pipe hidden in the closet. I’m so frustrated, depressed, terrified and feel betrayed. I love to death and I don’t want to give up. I just want him to get help before things get worse.

    • waffles

      Giving up is easier said than done. The betrayal you feel is all too familiar, and it was hard to get past. Even years later, I don’t think I ever did. Good luck, and keep us updated.

  • hopeful

    Hi there!

    Like many of you I have someone in my life that has fallen victim of this terrible poison. As I read the actual article I honestly didn’t learn to much about item simply because I already knew it. It was a bit comforting to not have that alone feeling.

    The problemi

  • T

    Hey everyone, I have been reading these forums a lot lately, trying to determine if my boyfriend of 6 years, has a meth problem. So I am going to put all the business out there and hopefully get some help to ease my mind.
    When I met him, I had no idea about his past. We just clicked and finally moved in together after dating about 2 years. Before we moved in together, he would totally drop from the face of the earth, he would go days, and weeks without a single word to me, no phone calls no nothing! I would go crazy, like what could I have done wrong and text and call him, stop by his house, nothing, and then one day out the blue he would just show up again. At the time things were a little complicated with his baby mama and so I thought that was the cause of it all. Anyway we moved in together and I thought I was on top of the world. We were so great together. Shortly after moving in together I noticed he had a few Ecstasy pills in his drawer, he said he was holding them for someone, and my ass should not have believed him..shortly after that while snooping through his stuff :) I found two pipes, they were broken but had a ton of black residue on them, I was afraid to tough them so I put them back and never said anything, I was naive. Anyway the most resent problems are by far the worst about a year ago, I noticed him changing, he would stay up all night, maybe for 2 days sometimes,he would have a weird almost blank look on his face, he wouldn’t eat anything and he would just keep all to himself and I didn’t really think much of it, unfortunately…but now looking back at it, we didn’t talk much, didn’t spend much time together at all. He would work in his basement and I would tend to the kids upstairs, if I went down he wouldn’t talk to me or even look at me so I would just go back upstairs. I thought he was just depressed, and needed some time to be alone. (Okay, I am kind of all over the place here because I am very nervous to write about this stuff.) Anyway in June he lost his job, he just stopped going one day and finally they let him go after being so cool about him missing so much work…that is when everything was there right in front of my face and I was positive it was because of meth use. I would come home and his eyes would look all funny, and the way he would move his mouth when he talked was just weird. So I started looking it up, and snooping through his phone, and this and that. Let’s just say he was caught, but then I was so nervous to question him about it..and when I finally had the courage to do so, he ended up being messed up, so he flipped on me, screaming and hollering, threatening to leave me, telling me I don’t understand anything about it and this and that…ok so fast forward a day or 2, we finally sit down to talk and I thought I made my points clear as day. I told him I didn’t want him to do it anymore, and to stop hanging with the guys that do it, and he admitted to me that he had been addicted to it before. So he has already been addicted?? I was shocked, I had no idea…so he promised he would “try” to stop, telling me that I don’t understand and asking me if I could just quit smoking cigarettes cold turkey and this and that. He said he was ready to be done, but that it was an addiction. And wouldn’t you know it, it hasn’t stopped. If anything guys it is getting worse, he was doing it every few months, then every few weeks, and now its like once or twice a week. He doesn’t work, he wont go look for work. He was getting $70 on unemployment and the day he got it, it was gone, and if I ask him for any money it turns into a huge fight. This isn’t us. We have a 7 year old and a 2 year old and i want him to be the father and husband I know he can be. I don’t want this to be the story of my life, trying to save someone from their own demons, I am just afraid. He has admitted he has a problem and comes off that he wants to stop but he isn’t showing it.It is still a touchy subject to talk about. It turns me off when I see him this way, and then when he is sober he expects everything to be ok..when it isn’t.
    He talked to me this last weekend about it, and said that he see’s me trying not to flip out when I notice that he has been doing it, and that he really appreciates it and just to give him time and this and that and everything will change. But I have a bad feeling the second he dropped me off for work after lunch today, he went and got high, and honestly IDK if I am going to be able to keep my cool much longer…he is ruining our family and I just want him to realize that. If I try to argue or fight with him while he is high, he denies it and somehow ends up making me feel like I am in the wrong for accusing him. I have thought about al-anon and everything…this is just becoming to much for me, I am afraid if he doesn’t change then we will not make it. Sorry so long, just need to get it out. I know he wont get help himself, because he thinks he is strong enough to just kick the habit, but this meth is crawling around every corner in our tiny little town. Just when I think all of his connects have been caught up or raided he somehow still manages to get it…PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME!!

  • Sarah

    Paula, I would like some advice from you. It sounds like you went through exactly what I am going through right now. I am not ready to give up on my marriage but I don’t know how else to convince him to get help. How do I get him to quit without getting him to admit it first? Where did you send your husbands hair off to get tested? Was it expensive? I have found meth in the house once and saw a couple incriminating text messages but somehow he has an explanation for everything. I feel the same way about his habit. I would rather he had an affair than developed a drug addiction because at least then he would be a healthy liar instead of a liar who is slowly killing himself and setting a bad example for our kids.

  • trishafaye

    So my dad doesn’t come home until late like around 3 in the morning. or just doesn’t come home at all. and once he was gone for most of the day on top of that. another time he was ‘being held up at work’ and he came to pick me and my siblings up from our moms just on time to get to his house before his girlfriend got home. I know that our neighbor, who my dads been really good friends with since we’ve moved in here, is a meth addict….and that’s where my dad spends most of his time. and when he’s home he seems anxious and all that I tried to look at his eyes but I didn’t notice anything, then again I was looking for marijuana symptoms (he’s known to have used marijuana a few years ago). This just started maybe three months ago… and its not just when me and my siblings are at our mothers, its almost all the time. He always looks guilty too… I’m only 15 so I can’t really do anything about it and if I did I’d have to live with my mom because all I can think about is getting the law involved and I really don’t want that… So do you think he’s using it? or might it be something else..?

    • waffles

      It can be hard to tell sometimes. Besides the eyes, look for other symptoms such as too much or too little sleep, dental or skin problems, odd mannerisms, etc. Do you have another trusted adult with whom you can speak? An aunt, older sibling, or grandparent for example? Or perhaps you could approach your dad and tell him your concerns, if you feel it is safe to do so. Good luck, and please check back with us again soon.

      • trishafaye

        Uh, well his jobs always allowed him too little of sleep, and I don’t know if his teeth or skin would start showing to where anyone would notice would it? like this has gone on for like maybe 3 to 4 months now. And he’s normally a goofy guy but idk how to explain how he acts different like you have to know him cause my best friend noticed he’s been acting strange lately. And I can’t really talk to anyone about it cause my siblings are all younger, and I’m currently trying to live with my dad most of the time so I don’t have to be around my mother… So if anything were to happen I really can’t lose my dad cause then I’d be going through hell all the time with my mother… If he leaves again tonight I could possibly call him out on it. But thanks for some help, I really appreciate it.

        • waffles

          Good luck again, and check back again soon to let us know how it’s going.

  • Cheri


    I feel for you. Trust your instincts and find the courage to go. That being said if you are anything like me you probably won’t. I was given the same advice and is stayed. I don’t want to be negative but the verbal abuse will probably escalate. Several months ago I had posted here and did not think things could really get worse until I was thrown through a wall in October. I filed for a restraining order but they could not find him to serve him. He did get arrested last month for it and has to pay fines, go to counseling and is on probation. I should be done with him but instead am trying yet again to give him another chance hoping this time he can stay clean. It’s a horrible cycle and even if they admit they have a problem it won’t mean it will go away. It’s so hard to love someone with this addiction and watch what it does to them. Please remember to take care of yourself first. My thoughts are with you.

  • Bianca

    I don’t even know where to start. My partner has been using marijuana since well before we got together two and a half years ago and I’m now positive he is using meth. I suspected a few weeks ago he might be up to something as he’s been hanging around a guy who has a drug problem and this guy has been turning up at our house at all times of the night. I also found a spoon that looked burnt and had white residue all over it.
    Looking back, the signs have been there and I was too naive to notice. We have been having petty arguments over very silly things and his mood swings have been insane. So many things have been broken in our home. Huge sums of money are missing from his bank account that he can’t explain. He goes 1 or 2 nights in a row with no sleep and he explained it’s due to stress because he has his own business. I admit I believed this but last night I found a pipe that is clearly being used to smoke meth. This was after we had attempted to finish our xmas shopping but gave up because he was way too agitated and kept verbally abusing me. He then accused me of stealing tools from his shed and spent all of xmas eve turning the house upside down looking for these tools I apparently stole. He even checked my handbag. He was extremely paranoid and his pupils were huge. I asked him about his pupils and he accused me of being on drugs. He also said he’s had enough of me and my stealing and that he can’t trust me. I tried to stay very calm because I was pretty scared. I didn’t actually tell him I know what he’s up to and I don’t know if he will ever admit he has a problem. His younger brother committed suicide almost 2 years ago after getting addicted to meth and I’m very scared my partner will end up the same. It’s now xmas morning and he is asleep. I’m scared what will happen when he wakes up. The moods and violence have been occurring for a while but his psychotic episode last night was a first….unless I’m extremely ignorant. The night before that he was his usual loving self and telling me he’s so glad he has found me. We have also been trying to fall pregnant and now I don’t know what to do. I’ve had to cancel xmas day plans with my family because I can’t let them see him like this. They absolutely adore him. Do I ride this out with him and hope he admits he has a problem? Turning my back on him and walking away just doesn’t seem right. I love him too much.
    Thank you for listening to me rant. Knowing I’m not alone in this battle is reassuring. Good luck everybody and Merry Christmas.

  • noreen

    Wow this is so beyond sad. my husband is 43 and a meth addict. I just filed for divorce. its been very hard but u just described my husband. this is an awful awful drug. I knew nothing about meth till now. my husband got violant physically verbally and emotionally. nothing but lies stealing from me and my kids. cheating.. get out while you can. I know its hard but for your own safety and well being get out!they cant love using meth not even their own kids… its been almost two months since hes been gone and as much as I miss the man I fell in love with hes gone and I dnt regret filing for divorce. but you also need help coping with the loss.. im grateful to god I got out alive! no joke… when I start missing and cry for him I just think about all the pain , the heartache, the hell!!!! he put me through… we cant change them no matter how much you love them… what a waste of life. the thing is it just doesn’t affect the user it destroys familys kids husbands wives fathers mothers:(… absolutely devastating… its comforting to talk to someone who truly understands. I hope we can all help someone else in some way. reading these stories has helped me… I was so hurt he couldn’t didn’t luv me but its not us its truly the drug… well God bless to all who are suffering because of this evil drug!

  • deedee

    Try for this post its so my life I don’t wanna leave but I knows I have to it breaks my heart and I’m scared

  • Christina

    I’m having a hard time believing my ex of nine years when he tells me he’s not smoking meth. I moved out about a year ago so we can work on things and about two months ago I read a text in his phone saying his buddy was coming over with some spoof. First red flag. Then I went snooping one day in the garage and found six different pipes. Second red flag. I knew that once in a blue moon him and his buddies would get some cocaine or meth to party with, but I found three light bulbs and three pipes. He said his friends were doing stuff a while back and said I was lying about finding six of them. Then I get an email from our landlord telling me she was concerned because rent has not been paid in four months. Third red flag. I don’t love there so I don’t pay rent. We had our car repossessed back in Sept and cost us a lot of money to get back. He said he got behind because of the car. Then said it was none of my business because I don’t live there. He stopped drinking beer and has lost a ton of weight but his face looks sunken in. Fourth red flag. He put cameras up because the house is not in the best neighborhood. I don’t known that’s the reason or he’s becoming paranoid. When I come over we’ll go out to eat, his eyes don’t look dilated, he seems to be acting normal. I think he’s smoking method a few times a week. I don’t know. If I bring it up we just argue. Any ideas?

    • waffles

      Only you know what’s best, but based on my experiences…

      He will probably not admit it, so bringing it up may not do much good, unless you think he will respond to you calling him out on it. You probably never be able to “prove” his meth use, even if you found some on him. I found meth in our apartment once – and she still denied it! You just have to follow your instincts and do what’s in your best interest. He may or may not be doing meth, but the red flags are there, and it doesn’t sound like he’s in a good place.

      Since he is your ex, is it possible to put some distance between the two of you for a while?

      • Christina

        Yeah, it’s possible. I’m trying really hard to finish this semester strong and this is such a distraction. I love him to death but I know letting him go is best. At least for now. Thanks

  • may

    Reading your article has really brought me into this helpless feeling that ive been feeling for so long. I am currently living in this situation play by play. I live with a user nd a user/ dealer. I dont fall for any of their bull$#it no more, its so hard watching the people I love go thru a addiction that has taking over thier body. I feel like im stuck in a hole worrying about them while they enjoy thier high nd do wuatever they want. Of course they both deny it its all so obvious. The cycle of being good totget on everyones good side nd jut that one day they just dig out…its that moment in ur head like I knw something is up. But because im not a person to look into their eyes I just wait till the next day to notice signs of cleaning, active(more then usual) singing, making noises ect. Thats when I knw..then the high goes on for a few days. Then the grouchyness comes out which I also call it going down. Sleeps for days making annoyingly load irritating noise while sleeping. Then slowly bck to normal. Nd that is just for the user person I live with. The user/dealer I try to just stay away from. But watch his staying up late at night, mood swings, drinking, in nd out the house, druggies coming over, people seeing him with other druggies, always clearing throat, sniffling, in nd out the room nd bathroom, just the most obvious things…but he still denies it. So sad I just wanna move far far way nd never come back…thats just how I feel nd its family.

  • Crystal

    I came across this site and its nice to no I am not the only one who has been deeply hurt by having a loved one addicted to Meth!I have been with my husband for 8 yrs. I think he has used off and on the whole time we have been together but I was to naïve in the beginning to see it. now after yrs of being with him I have the routine down like the back of my hand!! I thought leaving this last time would wake him up but no I came back to only live through it again! I am fed up but I love him but so sick of hurting and seeing my kids hurt I could scream!!!!

  • Kay

    What do you do when you feel like your parents have ruined your life because of their addictions to meth? I love my parents but, I also hate them because, I have to struggle in life because they can’t stop with their addictions. I always want to just disappear and not care about my family but it is so hard when they are the only ones you’ve got & then you have this guilty conscience killing you because you have to help them get help or they will never change but they are my PARENTS! Why do I have to make a move, why did I have to teach myself what is wrong from right. How to get a job, do things on my own, while my grandparents pay for all their stuff in denial and take care of them but, I’m the grandchild and have to do everything on my own! It’s not FAIR! I didn’t ask for this! My parents are so selfish… I wish I wasn’t even born at times because I feel like my mother may have been high while pregnant with me because, I am emotionally messed up, like I was born depressed.

  • Confused

    My husband only has few signs everything else he seems to do the opposite. For example he’ll be put all night but sleep like a regular person during the day. If he doesn’t go out he sleeps fine through the night. He doesn’t have bad skin or a loss of appetite. Usually he’ll have the drippy runny nose and he hasn’t had one sniffle. His boogers are filmy an crystally though. No cold sweats but he does twitch in his sleep but he doesn’t yell or scream or talk. Last week I found out he was looking on Craig’s list for escorts, but I think he was just looking at pics. Sex is the same we hardly have it, but when we do we have a good connection usually when he’s high it’s like I’m not there and he’s just trying to get off. His pupils were dilated, but when I turned on a light the adjusted. I’m not sure what to think I want to believe him, but I’m just not sure….your thoughts please :0)

    • waffles

      It will always be difficult to prove meth use unless you catch him in the act. It seems that – based on my experience – the meth user’s pupils remain large even in a well-lit room. From what you have written above, it doesn’t seem that your husband completely matches the description of most meth users I’ve encountered. Then again, not everyone reacts the same. You may try bringing up the topic of meth or drugs – even in a general sense – and see how he reacts to the topic.

  • Hopeless

    My husband has been an on and off again addict for 13 years. The first time he got out of control he kicked me and the kids out when I caught him cheating on me. He literally threw our stuff out of the house. Of course he said he was sorry after losing us (he hates being alone) he came back. That was the worst, his mood swings were out of control. He slept all the time and when he wasn’t sleeping he was out all night. He hit me and put a gun to my head and threatened to kill me and my nephew. I kept telling myself that he was sick and needed and mad it through it. The second time was about 4 years later. I suspected he was cheating (he wasn’t screwing her he was getting high with her) and left. We still saw each other and that’s when I realized that he was using again. He was talking to girls, looking at singles websites, drippy runny nose and very moody. We’re talking one second he loved me and the next he couldn’t stand me. Well we got back together and now just a few months layer I feel that he’s using again. He’s becoming secretive, he stays put all night and when he comes home he’s either very happy or very mad or he sleeps all weekend and his stomach hurts. And it’s always my fault no matter what. The thing is he doesn’t have any normal signs of use. His pupils are only dilated when it’s dark and compared to my kids they look the same. He’s a big guys and eats. He showers and shaves. And the nights that he’s home he sleeps and wakes up like normal. The reason I think he’s using is he’ll sleep on and off all weekend, he’s moody, his boogers are sparkle, and he twitches when he sleeps. I do make comments and he just denies it. I don’t want to keep harping on it, but damn.

  • Shelly

    I agree my meth user, used for better part of 20 years! Lost his wife, his kids, his home, his family, EVERYTHING. He didn’t get “clean” till he spent 6 months in jail for child support. When he got out he had learned to control his addiction to the point if inly getting high occasionally! Then he met his second wife (also an addict) and they started family number two. When his son was 6 months old just started crawling, they had left him with a “friend” and he crawled into a room and ate a “Baggie” of meth. Nearly 6 days later and an obvious near death experience of his son, is what made him finally go through rehab and kick the addiction. 13 years later he hasn’t touched it but will still tell you if someone offered it he couldn’t say no! He moved, left everything he knew behind and started over with a clean slate. Knowing that was his ONLY option of staying of meth. However, he has replaced the meth with alcohol. One addiction for another smh!!!

  • Tim

    My wife of 18 years started staying gone from the house for 7 to 8 hours a day for a wal mart trip, lost about 30 lbs in 30 days, she was in high gear all the time. She did quit her job this was 9 months ago, she moved back in and I noticed last night she left the house at 12 midnight to get cigs and had a half pack, she was gone for 2 hours, she came back and I smelled a somewhat sweet smell on her, and again she was washing clothes and stuff, this was 3 in the morning.. She is verbally abusive, attacks me for anything, I am a disabled Veteran who she is suppose to care for, That smell (Sweet like) is in her clothes and she denied it the last time. What does it look like?

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